I'm writing a blog post having not written one in a while (I wrote this one before the last one I posted) so of course you know something has gone down in my life. Well a lot of things have gone down, not all related to what I'm about to talk about here though. I'm not even sure I actually want to share this, so if you're reading this then Lord help me.
But where do I begin? Okay within the past few months or so a LOT of people close to me have got out of long term relationships. But at the same token a lot of people I know have gotten into relationships or at least "situationships". And we see it all the time in the dating game, apparently our generation don't want commitment, we're all just out here trying to chase the latest fling but then when we get bored and it's on to the next one. To be fair, life would be a whole lot easier if things were that simple. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it is that simple, people can be up front about their intentions but I also think a lot of the times we like to kid ourselves and we want to want what we think we want but in reality we are just wearing a costume and putting on a show for an audience of one... ourselves.
And actually I digress, I think about these long term relationships. People breaking up with their significant others. I think back to people talking about their partners, how much they loved them and how they believe they're the one and what not. And this kind of love and admiration is special. These kind of emotions are preserved for only a select few people in your life. Of course some will have more than others but when you think about what this actually means, the commitment and intentions you show towards someone... losing that can be catastrophic.
And I've been able to witness these losses first hand, some people cope better than others but in the end people always get through it eventually. But it does make me think about how a person reconciles the fact that they may never see someone that they have invested so much into. Your memories don't just disappear, you don't suddenly get a refund on all the money you spent, the scars don't just instantly heal. You take that into your next relationship, and the one after and it really makes you wonder whether we can really truly get over something like that. New people come and sure they may be a distraction and they'll take up a huge part of your life but they can never fill the gap left by another unique human being that you once had in your life. Everyone has their place, and no one is replaceable.
I know, I've spent a lot of time talking about other people. I guess you want to know how this all relates back to me. I've really been through it. People that have exited my life have somehow found a way back in and some people who I am probably better off without are still lingering around like a bad smell. And I think I've spoken about this before but really letting go isn't something I've been truly okay with. Sure I might stop talking to you but then why the hell do I still follow you on social media? You completely violated me but why would I be ready to hang out with you if you asked? As you can see, it's a real problem. And I envy those who can be ruthless with their relationships. For some people, if someone isn't serving a positive purpose in their life then it's easy for them to just let them go.
But for those of us who struggle, what is it exactly that we're holding on to? Why do we actively try to keep people in our life who negatively impact us. I'm not here to preach that we need to be more cut throat with the way we handle relationships. I will not peddle a notion that may seem to be beneficial on paper but also can have toxic undertones. Like with most things there's a balance to be had. I feel like I'm constantly going through it and you think it gets easier but then you remember you are dealing with completely different people in completely different situations. And actually it could become harder.
Oh and also remember you may not need to be the one who does the cutting. There may be someone out there who is trying to keep a hold of you for whatever reason and actually they need to let YOU go. And that whole thing comes with a completely different set of complications. We all just need to start being honest with each other. What is it you're both expecting to give and what is it you're both expecting to get. If these are different then a conversation may need to be had to get you on the same page and you may find that actually these expectations can easily be aligned. Then great, the relationship lives on... go forth and prosper. But on the flip side if your expectations are vastly different then disappointment is bound to consume you both and it really ain't worth it.
I am fully aware that I was straight up waffling with all this. I don't really know exactly what I was trying to say, I just knew I had things to say. Hopefully some sense was made but I guess it's time for me to let this blog post go and cry myself to sleep.