Coping with loss…

Image from @bosslogic

Another aviation accident rocks the world of sport.

But not even just the world of sport. The whole world stopped and gasped as news came in of Kobe Bryant’s tragic passing. These gasps turn into pure shock and sorrow when you learn that his 13 year old daughter perished with him.

I am not going to claim that I was a massive fan of Kobe Bryant or even basketball as that is both disrespectful to the real fans and Mr Kobe Bryant himself. But the fact that I wasn’t a huge fan and didn’t follow the sport but still know of his achievements, everything he did for basketball and budding young athletes shows the pure scale of his influence. It’s both amazing and sad when you learn so much about someones life after they pass. People step forward with inspiring stories of when they met that person and the internet is flooded with poignant quotes left to us by the recently deceased. The sheer suddenness and nature of his death only emphasise this.

Every death is sad and you can never quite prepare yourself for it. I haven’t had many experiences where someone close to me has died but even going through it once is enough to know the pure emotional stress it causes plus the impact it has on your life. And the way we all cope with tragic events in our lives are different. I’ve seen it on both sides of the spectrum. How can we possibly cope with losing someone close to us, we are never going to see that person again in this life.

And that’s where our mind always goes initially when we lose someone. We think about all the things we are going to miss. We ponder the fact that we will never hear their voice, we’ll never touch them and it’s all suddenly just so lonely. Especially with deaths as sudden and unexpected as this. Often people will say that if a loved one dies of a terminal illness they are somewhat grateful that at least they can prepare for what is about to come.

Something occurred to me hours after I heard this news. I thought about Kobe and his daughter’s final moments. Oh, before I continue let me not forget that they are not the only lives we lost yesterday. Other parents and children travelling in a helicopter that they have probably travelled in many times before, stepping in for the last time. Unknowingly to them. How do you protect your child in a moment like that. Do you try and save them? Do you prepare them for death? Sorry to be morbid but these are the kinds of questions I think about in moments like this.

The saddest thing about death though, is that simply life goes on. And it will keep on going on, with or without our loved ones. Every day becomes a struggle how are you supposed to make it through life now? No one has an answer for you, you just need to figure it yourself, and you will. It’s a cliche but that say time is a good healer. Which it is, we have our moment to mourn, our moment to remember and eventually our moment to carry on. But the people we lose will never be forgotten.

Because after we lose someone, for some reason we just expect the whole world to stop for us. We expect everyone to be mourning as we are. When in actuality for the most part the majority don’t know or even care that someone close to us has died. And I mean it sounds harsh but why should they? We only know a very small percentage of people that inhabit this planet and as long as they acknowledge and are there for us that is all that matters. We do not need validation from people that didn’t even know the person we are mourning.

And I really hope that the family of Kobe Bryant can find some solace in the out pouring of love and can witness the amount of lives he impacted. Of course they would rather have him here, but for people to come forward and talk about how much they loved your father, your husband, your son, your uncle, it must serve some sort of comfort.

It’s a truly sad day and my thoughts really do go out to the family and friends of the people we lost in this horrendous accident. They will never be forgotten.

Cherish the times you have with people. Don’t wait to tell them how much you appreciate them because one day it might be too late. I really don’t want to end a blog post negatively but at the same time I want to be respectful to the souls we lost.

To anyone that is coping with loss, remember that you are loved and so are the ones we’ve lost. You are a better person for ever knowing them and you will carry that on for the rest of your life. The impact they had on you doesn’t just disappear because they aren’t around anymore. Hold on to those memories, take some time to grieve, open up to people because you’re going to need them. And when all that is said and done, live.

Rest in perfect peace Kobe Bryant (41), Gianna Bryant (13), John Altobelli (56), Keri Altobelli, Alyssa Altobelli, Sarah Chester, Payton Chester (13), Christina Mauser and the pilot, Ara Zobayan.