I've met some horrible people

Some people are horrible, but there are others who are horrible, horrible.

Who's the most horrible person you've ever met? Have someone in mind? This may take you to some dark places, and having binge-watched a bunch of documentaries lately, I do believe in genuinely evil people. But when I say horrible, I don't necessarily mean to that extent; There are some people out there that may label me as "horrible" or having done some "horrible" things, but I'd like to think that no one would ever describe me as evil. If you would, please let me know; I would love to hear your reasoning.

But that's really the crux of this blog post. Of course, when we think of horrible people, our minds will automatically go to people who are seemingly objectively horrible. People who no one would argue to the contrary. And rightly so, these are people that we do our best to avoid. But there is something deeper and more insidious about being a "horrible person."

And I can characterise it like this: there are horrible people, and then there are people who do horrible things. Because those two things are different, right? Hmmm, or are they? A human being who kills another human is a murderer very much down to the fact that they committed the act of murder. So why isn't it the same here? Well, I'll tell you why. "Murder" has a very clear definition, and there isn't a lot of grey area (Sorry, this is the documentary binge working its way into this blog post). However, labelling someone as "horrible" is subjective. The same two people may describe someone in two very different manners.

So going off that framework, I do try and go through life giving the majority of people the benefit of the doubt before labelling with some superlative. I would want the same grace forwarded to me. So I can openly say that yes, I've had a lot of horrible things happen to me committed by "not horrible" people. And I'm sure a lot of people are in the same boat. It's very easy to characterize someone based on a singular act or one-time behavior. However, more often than not, it doesn't make that person that thing.

Life is hard, things get difficult, emotions run high. We all act out of character from time to time; we all make mistakes. The person who we are, at our core, is merely an image. That person actually doesn't exist by themselves. Instead, that person, the person we see ourselves as being day in and day out, is actually a culmination, evolution, and addition of a bunch of other people who we are. This person may shine through more often than others, but it isn't all we are. Imagine trying to describe your best friend. You may describe them as someone who is loving and caring, but what about that one time when they weren't? It's impossible and impractical to hold people to these standards, and we do ourselves a disservice by doing so. No one can actually live up to an image or an idealized version they've built up of themselves.

Instead, human nature, of course, is a lot more diverse and a lot more nuanced. We can always have in our minds the person we want and strive to be, but we must always accept that there are parts of our being that make up who we are that maybe we don't want to show as much. No one would characterize me as a "nerd," but I can admit there are some "nerdy" things about me.

Is all this making sense? Back to the title of this blog post, though. I can live in peace knowing that people doing "horrible" things to me isn't always down to their character. A horrible person, I would characterise as someone who is a serial repeater of that horrible behaviour, and it pervades almost everything that they do and say. That's how you can tell the difference. And of course, this is not great either, arguably worse. However... maybe controversially so, I appreciate these people because you know exactly who they are very early on. Then I can make the decision early that I don't want to interact with you, and therefore there's no disappointment later on.

The worst kind of "horrible" person is someone who not only doesn't know they're horrible, but their horrible behavior is more subtle or guised behind seemingly "nice" behaviors. And when I think of horrible people in this light, a few people do come to mind. And they are always people I've been close to or had some sort of relationship with. I am in no way claiming to have ever been in an abusive relationship or diminishing people who have been, but a lot of the time, that's how those situations come about. People will say, "WeLl HoW dId YoU nOt SeE tHe ReD fLaGs." Well, Karen, not every flag is red or green; sometimes you get a yellow. Figuring someone out is never easy. You never really know someone until you know them. Some of them, most of them, will be great humans who want the best for you and care about you. Some, I would like to believe the minority, have bad intentions, are out for themselves, and are master manipulators. And the scary thing is that often, in fact, the majority of the time, these people will initially look and sound the same. It's only when you get too close that you get burnt.

Of course, knowing this can lead to a life where we're more guarded and less trusting of people. And that may work in the short term, but in order to develop deep and meaningful relationships, that guard has to come down eventually, and you have to put your trust in people. And when it works, it really does. Part of living a fulfilling life is relationships. The people we've touched and those who have touched us. There are people in my life, both past and present, who have got me through some hard times and people who genuinely make some days worth living. I'm going to meet horrible people no matter where I go; it's a given. But it can never dampen what I have or the things I am yet to receive.

If I am ever to be brutally murdered or disappear one day, it will be the people who I have put my faith and trust in that will tell my story. And hopefully, these "horrible people" will feel bad that they could act so poorly to someone who is now dead.