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2020 Mood

Photo by Evie Shaffer on

I should probably start off by saying that one of my moods for the coming year is to stop neglecting this thing. Now go back through my blog and count the amount of times I’ve said that. Yeah I’ve made the claim a lot.

But I don’t know 2020 feels different. End of a decade, start of a new one and with that I feel like I am in a very pivotal stage of my life right now. People buying houses on my left, getting married on my right, there’s no escaping the inevitable world of adulting. No matter how hard I try to avoid it. But actually, it’s time to stop that. Stop the running, time to embrace adulthood.

And I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood recently. Most notably my teenage years at school. Living in an educational bubble can be nice at times, but that’s what it is, a bubble. What you can do being under the thumb of your teachers and parents is limited. Being out in the real world means I am free to do whatever I want. If I want to go and work in the US I can do that. I can make a film, start a project or even move up north. This comes with the agency of being an adult and the financial stability of being part of the corporate machine.

Bur for too long have I just been trudging along. Playing my role in this play we call life. It’s time to ad lib a bit. I have so many ideas and dreams and every single day I see people living theirs. Making something of their lives. Living a life that I probably envy. Well they’ve done it, why can’t I? So I’m going to dedicate this blog post to things I am going to do in the new year to do more than what I have been doing currently. And I am going to split it up into different sections. Maybe reading this you get an idea of where I am going, and by writing this I can articulate my plans for the future. And now that it is written, I can be held accountable.

Dream-wise Let’s start with the biggest and broadest concept shall we? So for you that don’t know, my dream is to write for television. There is a long road to achieving this dream. But seeing successes this year such as Blue Story, Fleabag and Sex Education from “new” young writers and creatives has really sparked something within me to carry on. Breaking into any aspect of the media industry is a long and arduous road as any budding young artist can tell you. But there are numerous people out there that have made it. What is one more person to share in that success. Everyone’s travelled down their own road, had their own journey and this is mine. It’s not even like I am incapable, or not good enough. I’ve had small successes. It’s just about taking the time, to get my head down and do what is necessary. So this year, I will finish the TV Bible I have been working on since 2012 and also complete 1 additional spec script.

Career-wise I LOVE MY JOB. I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY I AM EXACTLY WHERE I WANT AND NEED TO BE RIGHT NOW. So i’ll keep this one fairly short. It is highly unlikely I will be changing my job this year but there are plenty of things I would love to do within it. One of which I have already set the ball rolling and here’s hoping that something happens in 2020. Of course I would love my dream to be my career in the distant future but right now I am happy where I am. Maybe a pay-rise will be nice though.

Finance-wise Easy one. Save more money. Spurred by the fact a lot of people seem to be buying houses around me. I would love to own a property one day. And although I have been saving I don’t think I have been saving as much as I could have. So this year I will dedicate more money to my savings and start putting things in place to eventually buy a property one day.

Social-wise By this I mean mainly Instagram and YouTube. Let me just start by saying I fully intend to come off Instagram some time in the near future. I will probably dedicate an entire blog post to this so won’t go into too much detail about it. But I will also be starting the YouTube videos again. The amount of camera equipment I have that is going to waste is ridiculous so it’s about time I start using it. My biggest problem is identifying what I want to do with YouTube. Everyone seems to be a vlogger these days and may the good Lord strike me down if I become one of these many sheep. Not hating on anyone who vlogs. But there are so many, so if I am going to do it, I want to do it right. Do people actually care about our lives? Do they care about what I’m having for dinner or buying online? I don’t think so. So once I identify what my niche is, I’ll attack it with everything I have.

Relationship-wise Probably the one I can spend the longest talking about but I’ll try not to drone on for too long as a lot of what I have to say is just a rehash of so many things I’ve preached about before on this blog. But I am stopping putting so much energy into relationships where I don’t get the same energy in return. For all you that know me I kind of where my heart on my sleeve and I can literally keep a conversation going for ages, especially if I enjoy talking to someone. I get that not everyone is like this. There are people out there that I know enjoy talking to me but just don’t do it every day which is totally fine. Because when we do talk, conversation is great. But what I am talking about is talking to people that give you nothing in return in terms of conversation or will just suddenly ghost without a word. Too much energy, physically and emotionally, that I just can’t afford to expend anymore. I want to believe that if someone wants to speak to you then they simply will. But there have been a few times where I have just stopped carrying the conversation. And lo and behold I never hear from that person again. Proof that I am the only one injecting energy into the relationship. And I want to reiterate that I have nothing against these people. That’s just the way they operate and that is okay. But it isn’t something I can or want to engage with. It is unhealthy and just gets to a point where you’re so invested in this person but actually, if you stop talking you’ll probably never hear from them again. An occasional “Hey, how you doing?” is more than enough. Did all that make sense? Thank you to the people who can actually hold conversations.

Actually though, more on this. One thing I am really eager to do is be more supportive of people’s grinds. Any time I see one of my friends, or just someone I know, doing something enterprising or creative I will do my best to promote and support that. That can be as simple as sharing on social media or actively contributing to whatever they’re doing with my own creativity and expertise. Which leads me on to…

Photography-wise This is the year I want to do more. Shot my first wedding which I had a lot of fun doing and it would be great to make some extra money doing something I love. As I said I have the equipment so I need to use it. But not even for the money. Also just for my own self-fulfilment. Taking any opportunity to use a camera and use it well. Keep this in mind if you’re in need of a photographer or videographer.

Travel-wise I want to go to Canada. I have made that pretty clear and there is not much more to say about it really.

Anything else-wise I think this year is just focusing on me and my own personal and professional trajectory. I’ve been feeling a bit stagnant lately but I have all the pieces I need to start making some serious moves in a bunch of different areas. So let’s do it.

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