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Why I don’t have a girlfriend

Maybe it’s because I never leave my house, have low self esteem and absolutely no confidence… actually… this is a very long story.

I think there’s a lot about my life and my character that has probably resulted in my single relationship status but nothing has contributed to it more than the surge of these dating apps. Now let’s just lay it down shall we. We’ve all dabbled in the odd dating app. Whether it be Tinder, Badoo, Plenty of Fish, Grindr etc. We all say we’re on it for a laugh but we all know we’re hoping to maybe just meet someone special. It may happen it might not, but I do know quite a few people who are in strong relationships having met on a dating app. But having said this, there are fundamental problems with the whole online dating game… and it is a game except winning is a bit harder than you might think. Well I guess I’m going to speak mainly from a guy’s perspective but I guess this may also be useful for girls to know what kind of problems you are causing for your male counterparts in the social dating sphere. So let’s start with the glaring problem most people think plagues dating apps. That most people are only in it for the sex. And girl’s don’t mind reminding us about it. It’s quite astounding how many girls have “Don’t just want a one night stand” or “Swipe right if you only want sex”. I guess it’s nice that there are girls out there that do want real relationships but also lets not be naive to the fact that I am sure there are plenty of girls out there also that are probably just in it for the sex. I wonder if guys write on their profile that they are not interested in girls that just want sex. I mean a girl that is open about just wanting sex? Surely not. And thinking about it anyway this isn’t really a bad thing. I mean if you are just in it for the sex and you meet someone that is in it for the same reason then I guess it’s happy days for everyone. Nothing really to be ashamed of. As long as you’re both respectful and know what you’re getting into then just go for it. We can be mature about sex, it’s a physical need that often drives us and some of us will get it anyway we can. But I digress this isn’t really an issue for me… for obvious reasons. One big issue I have with dating apps is that if you are lucky enough to get a match or start a conversation, half the girls won’t even reply. I am convinced that the majority of profiles on dating apps are either inactive or fake. And girls, please… putting “Don’t just say hey” in your bio is a pretty outrageous thing to write. Okay I get it, you want to have an interesting conversation but only cos someone starts off by saying “hey” or “hello” doesn’t mean they’re incapable. If you like the look of someone, their bio seems to describe the perfect guy, if he says “hey” to you are you just going to ignore him? Like heck you are! Get off your high horse and just say “hi” back. OR WHY DON’T YOU START THE BLOODY CONVERSATION. Let me calm down a minute. Yeah, dating online is awkward, it’s weird, it’s unnatural but just take it for what it is. I’m sure you both would rather not have to resort to online dating but there you are. Be yourself, be easy, take your time. The good thing about online dating is that there is no pressure. Of course it’s frustrating when people don’t reply but they’re under no obligation to. You don’t want to reply to a message for a few weeks yeah go for it. No awkward silences or strange goodbyes. You get to hide behind a screen and create a virtual version of yourself and that is what some people need. From this strong relationships do flourish and I’ve seen it so many times. But it can all get a bit depressing. You’re swiping right on people that you know you would never be interested in you and you have no chance with. But you swipe anyway because maybe just maybe 1 will be a match. I mean you swipe through how many people a day. Surely one of them will be a match. Then you start to question if you’re even good looking. Am I even above average? Why would anyone actually want me? But you’ve seen people from all walks of life in relationships. They’ve all found someone, a lot of them online. So I guess one day I’ll get a worthwhile match. Having said this I recently discovered Plenty of Fish  and it’s quite interesting how that whole system works. The ultimate self esteem killer. You can literally start a conversation with anyone you see but what you can also see is who views your profile. So here’s your trip into oblivion. You message a person you like, that person then views your profile, you see that they’ve viewed your profile but you get no reply. So that person literally saw your message, clicked on your profile and decided they weren’t interested. At least on other dating apps you live in the ignorant bliss that maybe they just didn’t see your message. And before all this even came along I was always surprised when people jumped from relationship to relationship. Not that I was judging or anything I was just amazed that they were able to find so many people they wanted to be with. I couldn’t imagine meeting someone and thinking I want to spend the rest of my life with them. I don’t know if I’ve met anyone that’s even come close. Maybe I’m just scared of commitment. And people always say that you’ll find someone, someone will come along. Well it’s been 24 years and still waiting. And it doesn’t help when people are constantly asking you when you’re going to get a girlfriend. “I don’t know Debra, probably never”. And this isn’t me saying that I’m desperate to get into a relationship or anything because I don’t think I am. I have a lot of my own problems to deal with before I share them with another human being. But I have thought to myself, what if I’m never ready. What if that person never comes along. And I’m at that age now where people my age are having kids and getting married and I’m still here right at the beginning. Not even the beginning I’m so far off the beginning of the relationship spectrum it’s unreal. The most annoying thing about this whole debacle is that I am VERY good at talking to people. I mean online at least.  Maybe I’ve told you all too much. How does an adult even meet new people honestly? I need to get out more…

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