Please talk to your boys

Might be one of the most important blog posts I write to be honest.

A while ago, I wrote about the mental health crisis affecting young men. The point of the post was basically that simply talking isn't really enough to deal with the issues men face today. I am not retracting that; I still believe that... HOWEVER, I do want to highlight the power of having discussions about your mental state, specifically with your male friends, if you yourself are a male.

And I say "male" friends just because it is what I have been experiencing lately, and of course, there is a stigma around men opening up about their feelings. But yes, lately, I've had numerous conversations with my male friends that haven't been typical. Instead of the common tropes of football, video games, and travel, the conversations focused on past relationships, current moods and feelings, and just speaking about something that was slightly deeper.

Now, if you really know me, you know I'm no stranger to a deep conversation; in fact, I welcome them. There's nothing quite like exposing yourself to someone. Hmmm, that didn't quite come out right. Now, obviously, it's a risk whenever you make yourself vulnerable, but often a risk worth taking. Speaking to people who I have known for a very long time about things that we wouldn't usually discuss was liberating. I was not only able to gain a deeper understanding of their own struggles, but I was also able to share a part of myself that may give them an insight into my character. Also, these conversations always happen with people you think are happy in life and are doing well. The sad truth is that almost all your friends are going through some stuff. And unless they're an insufferable attention seeker, you're likely not going to know about it.

How many of your friends know about every single thing happening in your life? What are some things that you keep to yourself because you don't want to burden someone, or you think that whatever you're feeling is trivial? We are all fighting a silent battle, and I am not saying we need to be in a constant state of spilling our deepest, darkest secrets, but sometimes opening up, even if it's just a little bit, does you the world of good.

It's not even necessarily just about sharing your problems or getting help. Sometimes the act of articulating your feelings is enough, and actually, a lot of the time you'll start to realize things about a given situation once you speak it out loud. And it really has got me thinking why there is this stigma, why do men not want to open up about their feelings? I mean, people will scream it's because of the "patriarchy," which is obviously a reductionist view, but speaking as a man myself, although I can put myself in vulnerable situations, most of the time the reason why I personally don't open up is simply because these are my issues. My problems that I have to figure out. I have it in my head that no one really cares. Which in and of itself I know is a crazy thought because I flip it and think about how much I care about other people's plights, and I really do.

I was going to write "can you tell I'm going through something" as some witty remark - but do you know what, that's not smart or witty because it would be amazing if I wasn't going through something right now. Bringing it back to these conversations though, it's nice knowing that some of the boys around me are able to open up. It's nice to know that my friends trust me with opening up about their feelings. It's nice knowing that these conversations are able to be had in a mature and healthy way.

And honestly, this of course isn't just a male thing. I do think the processes and actions we employ are generally different between males and females, but the bottom line is that the first step of getting help or solving an issue is always talking. It scares me that there are people out there, maybe people who I feel I'm close with, who don't feel as though they can talk or, in fact, feel as though they have no one to talk to.

I don't want to be that guy that's like "my DMs are always open"... ugh, but actually, they are. I've lived a long life, I've seen people go through some messed up situations, I've helped friends, I've given myself to people, rightly or wrongly, and I'm still here. Things get tough, and if you're reading this, whether I know you well, don't know you at all, or we've fallen out, I'm making a pledge to always be a listening ear, help people where I can, and hopefully make someone's day just that little bit brighter.

Slide in my DMs...