All thoughts turn into things eventually
I had a realisation today. A realisation that I would love to share with you all. If you’ve ever been attracted to someone at any point in your life then this post is for you, or maybe not. If you’re open to hearing something you may have not considered or something that you probably have and I’m just late to the party, stick around.
Let’s start at the very beginning. You’re going about your day. Cafés are now open and you sit at a table sipping your Grande, Iced, Sugar-Free, Vanilla Latte With Soy Milk. Every sip is better than the last and you think about how privileged you are to be able to drink something so obnoxious every single day. You gaze at your phone, 0 texts, 0 notifications, no one likes you. You then look at your watch but remember you have no where to be, in fact the reason why you’re in the café drinking coffee you can’t afford is because you have nothing better to do. In fact, you are what we call a “Grade A Loser”. But it’s okay because maybe you have a Soundcloud that’s about to take off, or you’re in the top 2% of earners on OnlyFans. The pressures of societies have no infringement on your side hustle.
The afternoon draws on and you begin to wonder how you could spend almost an hour in the same café and spend over £5 on a coffee you drank in the first 12 minutes of sitting down. Then you remember “Ah Capitalism.” But my gosh does it taste good. You could taste every pound and penny gushing down your throat and it was well worth it. As you get up to leave, someone walks through the door, the most beautiful person you’ve ever met. You have a type and this person fits your societal expectations of beauty perfectly. Not a hair or fingernail out of place. Then suddenly you remember this person has not noticed you, will never even think about you and you’ll never see them again.
Does that story sound familiar? Oh it doesn’t? Maybe this one does. You’re scrolling through Instagram and think to yourself “Oh they’re cute let me stalk their profile”. Better? Same concept. The foundation of this blog post in case my hyperbolic narrative wasn’t clear enough is finding someone attractive just by looking at them. Sorry, did I waste your time? Tough.
And finding someone attractive is that easy but for any of us that have been in the dating game or in relationships we know that being attracted to someone is more than just how they look right? You wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who looked good but had the personality of cardboard right? Or maybe you would, I don’t know, I’m not judging but for the basis of this argument I will assume you wouldn’t. It’s all well and good finding someone attractive but the reason why we can find strangers attractive is because we never actually have to interact with them. Now answer me this, if you had the opportunity to speak with someone you found attractive and you found out they were just a garbage human being would you still find them attractive. I mean probably not right, but their looks haven’t changed. I think the psychology of it is that attraction is just more than just the aesthetic yet we still base our preferences mostly on physical attributes.
That’s why I think finding people good looking is kind of one big con. Now don’t get me wrong, as humans we innately find people attractive for whatever reason and normally this is the basis to pursue some kind of relationship as without that physical attraction can any kind of relationship form? I think this is just another case of wanting and needing to find something deeper than just the superficial. You can dress a tomato up as pretty as you like but it’s still going to taste like trash, the same can be said for human beings. How many of these celebrities or Instagram models do you think you’d still find attractive if you actually knew them. I think the answer to that will be quite surprising.
There are a lot of devils out there in angel clothing. Don’t be fooled by the wings and the halos. Creating meaningful connections with people will ALWAYS be more validating and worthwhile than looking at something pretty. And that is where the real attraction comes from. We can also look at attraction in a more platonic sense. How our friends look plays little part in determining whether we want to be friends with them. We care about their character and their values. I think we can also just apply this to people we admire in our lives and follow on social media. Are you following that person because they look good or do they add real value to your life? Do you actually read captions and try to digest the messages being given to you or are you just interested in seeing some skin.
Let me just emphasise that people have their reasons for following others on social media, and it may just be an aesthetic thing. Which is fine, but the point I’m trying to make is that in all instances those looks and visuals of a beautiful human will more than likely have less of an impact on you than the message behind it. Don’t get sucked in by the “all style no substance” lifestyle social media tries to promote which absolutely includes “influencers” selling products to you that are simply wickity wickity whack. You’re not a doorknob. You have a brain, if you’re going to waste 9 hours of your day on social media at least try and digest something meaningful.
You can sit in that café for as long as you like or scroll through your Instagram feed until your thumb is numb. No matter how many pretty faces, bodies or clothes you see it is not as important as the friends you have on the other end of the phone, the book you read the other week or even the film you watched yesterday.
I in no way believe or support the idea that Souncloud artists or people that earn money through OnlyFans are “Grade A Losers”.