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I don’t owe you anything

Something’s been playing on my mind.

I think I’m in an alright place now where I can actually dedicate some time to writing on this thing. Will I stick to it, who knows? Did you even care? Probably not. But anyway, hi again. Adulting is hard which is why I’ve neglected this thing, but I think life has settled down a bit and I’ve had ideas swirling in my head which means it’s time to whack out the keyboard and spew all my emotions on to my computer.

I just read something on someone’s story about not owing people an explanation if you suddenly decide to cut them out your life. And it is a mentality shared by a lot of people these days, one that I thought I agreed with but when I actually think about it, I think there’s a bit more to it.

You’re going to meet a lot of people in your life. A lot of those people will come and go. A fair few will stay but then for one reason or another you will need to cut them off. But cutting off people so harshly, without a word is not something I can jump on board with. But it happens all the time, often with people who think they’re advocates of mental health but what they’re preaching has the potential to be just as detrimental. Don’t get me wrong, some people can cut off others and not even give it a seconds thought. For situations like online dating where you may be speaking to someone for a few days but you realise you’re not into them then fine. I get it. You don’t owe them anything and they shouldn’t expect anything from you.

But when we’re talking about people who you have been friends with for a prolonged period of time. You’ve made some good memories, you’ve been genuine friends but all of a sudden this person just ain’t doing it for you anymore and you ghost them without saying anything. What do you think this does to the mental health of the person you’ve ghosted? And of course not every situation is like this. A friend may have done something to you, or you’ve realised that your relationship is toxic and the most effective way of getting out is just to cut off all ties.

But we all have disagreements, things go wrong. And very few things are one sided. A relationship takes two and you’ve probably paid your part in whatever has gone wrong. (Again this isn’t always the case, let me just make that clear). For someone you’ve been friends with for maybe years and you just want to drop them, I think you do owe them an explanation and they should expect one. Am I wrong for thinking this? If your parent walked out on you, or your partner and they didn’t say a thing. Wouldn’t you want to know why? This person has invested time and energy into you as you have them so for it to end this abruptly just seems like a waste.

And even if you do have your reasons and your reasons are valid. Wouldn’t it be best to tell this person what they did wrong so they are able to change. You can still drop them after that. I think a simple “this is what you did, don’t talk to me” gives both parties peace of mind. Do you want a bunch of people out there going crazy because they had no idea what they did to you?

Let me just reiterate once again, a lot of the time you don’t owe people anything. I am a huge advocate of this. But someone you’ve built a relationship with, have shared memories with, put love and energy into, I don’t think it’s totally crazy that this person demands an explanation and you should be willing to give one. Hey, I may be wrong, maybe my brain doesn’t work like most peoples but this is just my opinion. I personally couldn’t imagine just ghosting one of my friends randomly. And I know there are people out there that probably think I have but I promise, I haven’t.

Did any of that make sense? You can probably tell that I’ve fallen victim to people ghosting me. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you probably know all the stories. Respect your friends, look at the bigger picture. If you need to get out you can just say.

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