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For All the People I Used to Talk to

Don't underestimate people's ability to just stop talking to you - right, that's a pretty bitter start. Actually let me reframe...

*rewind 20 seconds*

To before you started reading...

Ok this is the beginning of the blog post....

I truly believe, and many of you will agree, that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. We are constantly going through different phases of our life so it is only natural that when we move into a different phase, some people get left behind. And that is okay! Just because we stop speaking to someone, doesn't mean it ended badly or there's any bad feelings. And as harsh as it sounds... some people serve a purpose and once that purpose has been served they are then relieved of their duties. Not explicitly, it's all a bit subterranean and unspoken but I am sure we have all experienced it.

Sometimes it can be sad, both parties may not always be on the same page and it is not something you overtly communicate, sometimes you just find yourself talking to someone less and less until one day... you've spoken to them for the last time. And I really do think all of this is okay and natural. It's a normal part of growing up and arguably out growing people. If people aren't serving a function in your life to improve or enlighten it, why would you keep them around? Again, harsh I know, not to sound like I'm comparing people to a piece of furniture but it doesn't make the similarities any less real.

I think it's something I've come to be okay with these days. But I always wonder how the other person sees the situation. One thing I would hate someone to say about me is that I just "stopped talking to them"... as I don't think that's something I would do. For me it would never be sudden I always try my best to keep up relationships but in the end... time always takes its toll and has the final say.

It does make you wonder though, how do you know if this relationship is for keeps. Because when you're forming a bond with someone you're not anticipating it ending. There are people (some who might even be reading this) that I've had unimaginable bonds with. Honestly people who have changed my life in more ways than they know who I do not say a word to these days. And given everything I've already said there's no hard blame there but sometimes, just sometimes, I do feel some level of resentment towards those people. Only because it's hard to come to terms with the fact that you could give so much to someone, put so much into a relationship for it to just lead to nothing. You almost feel scammed or cheated in a way. And if you feel like that, you think it can't have been your fault for why the relationship deteriorated so of course the other person has wronged you. But no... that's not the case.

And also, just think about this for a second. Imagine if every time you made a new friend it was forever. How many friends would you have today? Probably too many to manage right? There is a balance though, as cliched as that is. I would like to think that any connection I do have with someone is real and even though we may not talk like we used to there will always be some level of respect there... knowing all the good times that we have shared. This is a more positive way of looking at my friendships that have come and gone, and actually there are some people who may be open to starting again or at least exchanging the odd message here and there.

Okay now re-read the very start of this blog post again. Because THAT'S real also. Things don't always end amicably or mutually. There are people out there, that no matter how close you feel to them, they will have no problem never talking to you again. I'm not here to claim that I know what goes on in other people's minds... but I know what goes on in mine. And given everything I said about creating real connections with people, it's one thing for that to end when it's on life support, but when it's capable of making a full recovery then it's all the more devastating.

I get it, we all got our own stuff going on, we all have our reasons for doing things but this doesn't mean we should be completely blind to other people's feelings. I wrote about suddenly ghosting not too long ago so I won't get too deep into that but I do think there is a certain level of courtesy and respect you owe people when you enter any kind of relationship. Romantic or otherwise. You will never really know how much the other person has put into you so for some, you leaving may not mean anything but to someone else, it could mean everything. And I think we end up engaging in this kind of behaviour by convincing ourselves that the other person won't care if we leave. As I also spoke out before you may not truly know the other person's feelings and intentions through their actions. But if they've spent their time and energy with you then you can at least assume that they hold you at a certain level of regard.

So for all the people I used to speak to that I've lost touch with, I just want to say thank you. Chances are I still highly respect you and wish you well. For all the people who left suddenly without a word (especially those who said they'd arrange a time to meet and didn't say another word)... yeah I don't get you and I hope you stop moving weird soon.

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